Evil Morons Blog

The Oldest Millennial (Epistle I)

60s rock collage 3This is the year when the curtain starts coming down on the Baby Boom Generation. Boomers, according to the Pew Research Center, will be overtaken in 2015 by Millennials as the largest demographic in the U.S.

I saw it coming last October when my daughter turned 21 and I became eligible for Social Security: No way I’m taking it now. It’s a bad deal financially and I’ve got a lot of work left to do. As you may know, my debut novel is coming out in June. And my goal is to write several more… But where will I find the time?

After more sleepless nights than I care to remember, I’ve come up with a solution. I’ve decided to formally renounce my membership in the Baby Boom Generation and join up with the Millennials.

This won’t be as difficult as it might sound. I wear hats. I like good coffee and I make it in a Chemex. And, I have an ironic hairstyle that’s sort of a combover ‘fro. (Looks good on me; you probably shouldn’t try it).

Most importantly, like all my Mill-dudes and -dudettes, I blame the Boomers for everything. In fact, as the oldest Millennial (with recovered memories of Boomeritude from a past life), I am uniquely positioned to tell you: YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF IT.

Over the next few weeks I’ll be recounting the history of the sins of the Boomers. This will not be the received wisdom, but important new insights. Thus, I’m giving it an important-sounding title: Epistles to the Children (of the Third Millennium). And, you may see me referring to our generations as “Threes” or “Gen 3.0.” Your Boomers, then, are the “Twos” or Gen 2.9.”

Unfortunately, the Twos own everything so it’ll be hard to hold them accountable. That said, it’s still not too late to make things better. But, O my young Threes, you must understand the true nature of the beast so you can learn to act while there is still time.


Categories: Epistles to the Children (Of the Third Millennium)

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One thought on “The Oldest Millennial (Epistle I)”

  1. don lippincott on April 30, 2015

    Looking forward to civil discussions, re-BUTT-als, and re-boots on all intra-generational topics.
    Frankly, I plan on being more aspirational by joining Gen 3.1, if for no other reason than to stick it those who are now sticking it to me.
    As it turns out, I’ve actually learned three versions of the Golden Rule in my time:
    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (Friends School)
    He who has the gold rules, so do unto others before they do it unto you. (Spartan cretin’s credo)
    Stick it to others not only before they stick it to you, but in a way that makes them wish they’d been born in Sparta at a time when they most certainly would have been drafted into Peloponnesian War service, subsequently imprisoned in Siracusa, and then forced to write erudite passages in Greek Prose Composition. (The value system of the ultimate Cretan reprobate, moi-meme.)

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